The Unemployment Woes

It feels like I have been applying to jobs for the better part of a century.

One after another after another. 

The monotony of it is enough to make you want to bang your head against the nearest wall. 

The ups and downs that come with the job searching process is exhausting. One day you feel like you’re on top of the world and could conquer the nearest country. The next you feel like you’re better off not leaving your bed.

The worst of it is the radio silence. Most days you just have to accept that you will never hear back from that one job you thought would really be the one. Whether you interviewed with them at one point, took an assessment for them, or just thought you really nailed the application’s cover letter.

At the end of the day, it never feels like you really did enough. 

Sometimes you receive these emails from so many employers that you’re sure that you’ve got a job somewhere in the list. Maybe you do. You probably won’t know for another couple of weeks though. 

In the beginning, frustration levels are at an all time high, but over time, you finish applications with nonchalance. As if you really don’t care at all despite the fact that it’s what will decide if you’ll be able to pay your bills next month. Yet you’re not supposed to bring up the taboo subject of how much money you’ll make in the interview despite the fact that it is one of the greatest influences on how you live. 

There are so many things that you just have to beat around the subject on. 

Don’t bring up your previous job by shining a negative light on it. 

Don’t even think about talking about benefits and salary (unless they bring it up, which bless them).

Don’t show them too much of who you really are or they might doubt your interest in the role. (Despite the fact that you’ve applied to hundreds of jobs at this point and have realized that you are completely unwilling to settle for anything less than exactly what you want because none of them will either.)

Some places talk about how important it is to have hobbies. Don’t tell them how seriously you want to quit everything to actively pursue these hobbies. 

Every once in a while, there’s the beautiful new gem of a position that checks just enough boxes with the right kind of people. Yet radio silence comes back through to save the day. You might have actually started to HOPE.

Heaven forbid hope enters into the job search.

After a while, I start to really wonder if the job searching process is like love. You won’t find what you’re looking for until you decide to give up and just love yourself. After a week of full dedication and excitement to this: BAM there’s true love/your new job.

There have been so many careers that I have pictured myself in. Where I sit at my new desk with the new clothes I bought to fit in and the training I would attend with my fellow new coworkers. I’ve really visualized it multiple times. I thought visualization would bring it to fruition, but my efforts have failed thus far. 

The best part about the job searching process is that eventually you just have to go get a part-time job, while you continue your search.

These are real confidence boosters. 

After graduating college, I went to work at Papa John’s. I remember going to speak with the manager and even being nervous for that interview thinking that my incompetencies were wide-reaching. After a couple of weeks, I started to get compliments from some of my coworkers. Statements like, “You’re one of my favorite people to work with. I dislike working with most of the people here”, “I like working with you because you ACTUALLY do your job”, or “You’re a good worker and extremely helpful.”

It was nice. The job really put things into perspective for me. I am a desirable candidate for any position because I work really hard and I want to do a great job. Not only that but I also care a lot about my coworkers and the customers. Which really feels like a double-edged sword because not everyone returns the sentiment. Yet it is what I naturally default to, so I’m always trying to do better by other people. 

This put a new rigor into my job application process.

I created a new resume. One that I felt looked great and would highlight the broad range of skills that I have developed over the years. 

After I created this new resume, I experienced far more success than I had been. Yet I have, of course, still been experiencing the same highs and lows, except I have a few more highs to show for.

I’m at a crossroads. I’ve been at one for a while now. In between what I think I might want and what I have wanted. Which direction should I choose? Do I even really have the choice to make? Research, writing and proofreading all sit on one side of the spectrum, and sales sits on the other. Sales would enhance my abilities to market, which would help me if I chose to continue down the freelancing path. But what is that really going to do for me? I’ve never tried to go down the path of marketing before. Research and writing is exactly what I’ve been trying to do. 

Being significant and hands on is what I’ve been searching for so why is it even a contest? Shouldn’t it be as obvious as getting out of bed in the morning? Lab work would keep me front and center. The company is small so my contributions would be significant and eventually I would have important projects that I explore independently. Isn’t this exactly what I’ve been wanting to do?

Why am I even really thinking about doing anything different? 

After months of constantly applying to jobs, I think I can finally put the efforts to rest. Strange to think that I can just close the doors on job searching and not open any job board tabs for a while. 

They have just become such an integral part of my day to day life. 

Every day that new refresh of jobs popping up and flooding Indeed. Each time my searches getting a little more creative until finally I take out all the bells and whistles and settle for location.

I found so many more interesting and intriguing positions whenever I set a location and looked at available options. It made me start realizing how many options I truly had. 

And, it gave me hope that I wouldn’t HAVE to follow down my major’s steps. 

I no longer feel like I have to be a Chemical Engineer and like I have to take a scientific job.

Before, I didn’t realize how much I didn’t want to work in a set role. I wanted flexibility. I’ve always wanted flexibility in the workplace. Oftentimes, I thrive with this malleability. 

When my work isn’t dependent on the work of others, I am pushed to new heights. 

There aren’t chains linking me to the abilities of others. Instead, I am freed from my cage and cast out into the world to explore as I see fit.  

I thought this story was going to change.

That soon I would be able to write about the process of getting to the job that I have now. But that would require having a job. Which would require being successful. And yet again I have failed. It sucks, but my turnover rate is lessening. I wonder why I even get back up and keep trying, but I have to. There’s nothing else that I can do about it. Wallowing in my failures will not lead to any more success. So I do get back up. For some stupid reason. 

I just received a disappointing call. Fortunately, it came the day after my interview and I didn’t have to sit on false hopes for weeks that I might have gotten it. Only for them to never contact me again, so for that reason, I do feel better. The first little bit of closure that I’ve received for a job. 

Written in the days of unemployment (September of 2019). An accurate and unedited response to feelings, expectations, and disappointments I faced.

For more readings on Unemployment, Life, and a couple other random things, explore more here.