I don’t write because I have to edit anything I write at least 5 times before I feel comfortable posting it.
I’m scared that if I don’t have every sentence in the most pristine and perfect condition, I will be seen as an imposter. I’m a perfectionist to my very core. Some people may disagree with that because of my procrastination, but what they don’t understand is that is exactly why I procrastinate.
The only thing that gets me past the lump of not reaching perfection is the excuse of not having enough time to perfect.
It feels like releasing mediocre/not that great writing into the wide wide web is like some sort of death sentence from the writing gods.
When you read a post with lots of mistakes on the internet, I’m sure you feel like one of those gods. Like how dare they try to write and teach me something with improper spelling or grammar. At least that’s how I feel about it. As if I am not as capable of making such mistakes.
At least the authors of those blogs have the ability to post more than a few times. I applaud them in their ability and willpower to continue on despite the many hurdles associated with having a blog.
The ability to push past the nerves. The invisible scrutiny and self-doubt. The imagined critics that you create in your mind when you decide to make something yourself.
In truth, the actual work isn’t really the hard part. It’s the ghosts that follow you in the process.
I actually enjoy the work for the most part.
However, I’m not the biggest fan of the nerves I get before someone reads what I’ve written. Nor the biggest fan of making an announcement about what I’ve written to share with the people in my life. It’s just not that fun.
Sometimes it feels worth it though.
Whenever someone tells me that they enjoy the way I write, it offers me hope. Whenever someone admits that what I’ve written is relatable and somewhere they’ve been before, it makes me feel less alone. Whenever I write something and people read it, it makes me feel human.
This post was written with simplicity in mind. There were no edits to the original text.